On the 12th day of Christmas, AOL gave to me ...
12 reasons to cancel,
11 channels not working,
10 hours without mail,
9 frozen chat rooms,
8 hours of busy signals,
7 frozen IMs,
6 disconnection's,
5 web crashes,
4 idiots at tech help,
3 error messages,
2 pieces of junk mail,
and a jerk cursing in a chat room.
Tuesday, December 17, 2002
Totally Inappropriate Gift Ideas
4th runner up: Li'l Naturalist Hornet Farm
3rd runner up: A Pee Wee Herman pull toy
2nd runner up: The Duncan Yo -- Goes down, never comes back. Teaches
children about warranties
1st runner up: 5,200 pick up -- a jumbo deck of cards that lets kids play
a larger version of their favorite game
Winner: The "Learn about puberty chia pet"
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Honorable mentions:
Supersoaker 9000: For use on those hard to reach targets; NFL referees,
low flying planes, and many more. At close range it can strip paint
clean rusty grills, and dig utility trenches.
The laff-o-minit jajic spellin' tootor
Doggie dentist -- Kids learn about dentistry on the family pooch.
Cuisin-Art -- Turns mommy's food processor into a spinning paint tool.
Water retention Wanda -- Teaches kids the principles of the calendar.
Advanced play medical kit -- includes colonoscope and speculum.
Chocolate-covered lead soldiers
Bungeroo -- kid sized bungee kit for second story bedrooms
Islamic strip poker -- lose a hand, lose a hand.
4th runner up: Li'l Naturalist Hornet Farm
3rd runner up: A Pee Wee Herman pull toy
2nd runner up: The Duncan Yo -- Goes down, never comes back. Teaches
children about warranties
1st runner up: 5,200 pick up -- a jumbo deck of cards that lets kids play
a larger version of their favorite game
Winner: The "Learn about puberty chia pet"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Honorable mentions:
Supersoaker 9000: For use on those hard to reach targets; NFL referees,
low flying planes, and many more. At close range it can strip paint
clean rusty grills, and dig utility trenches.
The laff-o-minit jajic spellin' tootor
Doggie dentist -- Kids learn about dentistry on the family pooch.
Cuisin-Art -- Turns mommy's food processor into a spinning paint tool.
Water retention Wanda -- Teaches kids the principles of the calendar.
Advanced play medical kit -- includes colonoscope and speculum.
Chocolate-covered lead soldiers
Bungeroo -- kid sized bungee kit for second story bedrooms
Islamic strip poker -- lose a hand, lose a hand.
Sunday, December 15, 2002
Top 10 Signs You're Sick of the Holidays
10. You've got red and green bags under your eyes
9. You're serving reindeer pot pie
8. When you hear, "Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin'?," you scream, "No! I'm not listening!"
7. You climb on your roof and start shooting carolers in the ass with your BB gun
6. You think you hear your Christmas tree taunting you.
5. Instead of spending time with family, you're watching some guy make photo copies
4. You're busted for running through town wearing nothing but mistletoe.
3. You've got eggnog coming out of your ears
2. Your standard response, "And happy holidays to you too, you bastard"
1. Two words: tinsel rash
10. You've got red and green bags under your eyes
9. You're serving reindeer pot pie
8. When you hear, "Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin'?," you scream, "No! I'm not listening!"
7. You climb on your roof and start shooting carolers in the ass with your BB gun
6. You think you hear your Christmas tree taunting you.
5. Instead of spending time with family, you're watching some guy make photo copies
4. You're busted for running through town wearing nothing but mistletoe.
3. You've got eggnog coming out of your ears
2. Your standard response, "And happy holidays to you too, you bastard"
1. Two words: tinsel rash
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